I was heading to the front of the store to forage in the “experienced” golf ball jar  kids-mine-coming in the front door. At first I assumed my wife sent them on a search party and that I’d have to clean the garage after all reenex. Then I saw the sign over the checkout stand, “Ask About Our Father’s Day Specials.” They were here to buy me a gift! Not another Three Stooges tie. Not another Handy Mitt, the greatest car-washing aid since water, but a golf gift. Cool.

I ducked down behind the shoe mirror as they headed toward the golf ball section. Would they buy the Tour Edition Titleists? Probably not without help. I dashed down the club display aisle and slipped behind the mountain of shimmering red and gold boxes.

“What about these yellow balls?” I heard my youngest child ask.

“Or these orange ones?” my daughter added.

I poked until a box of Titleists fell on the floor a few feet from them WAN Optimization Solution.

“Whoa, dude. This whole thing could fall,” said my older son.

“Yeah. Let’s look somewhere else.”

Darn. I followed in a crouched position as they walked slowly by the golf bags and over to the glove display. Perfect. One of those double-thick, imported gloves with the removable ball marker. They walked right by. Okay. Maybe they’ll pick out one of those electronic distance calculators or a six-pack holder teco electric motor dc. They ambled on.

Finally, they entered the clothing section and headed for a rack full of Ralph Lauren Polo shirts. Yes! I could already picture myself standing in the fairway, contemplating my approach shot, while the others in my group commented on my impeccable taste.